If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
