i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
