My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
