ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
