At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
