I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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