why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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