i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize