My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
