So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
