I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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