Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
