my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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