I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
