WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
soo... how was my night?
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