You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
