Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
