I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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