i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
