When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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