this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
