I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize