I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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