the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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