How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
