I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
