Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
