yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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