I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
