VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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