it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize