Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
