Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
