i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
