he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
