So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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