Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
