It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
