oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
