I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
