Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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