I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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