I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
