the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
