I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
