from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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