You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
