wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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