Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
