my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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