Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
