I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
