Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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