I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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