why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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