I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
