i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
