did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
