Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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