she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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