He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize