I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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