my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I'm really busy with my period
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