so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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