Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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